Coke Talk

*40

They lost my luggage.

Not delayed. Lost.

As in, they have no record of it ever having existed.

I’m sitting at the airport facing the distinct possibility of a Thanksgiving holiday with literally the clothes on my back.

Somewhere back at LAX, I imagine there is a TSA break room where Shanaynay and Shaniqua are wearing my blonde and red wigs while singing karaoke into my travel dildo.

I’m ready to stuff a courtesy shuttle full of their travel vouchers and corporate policy, douse it in jet fuel, and light a match off the teeth of this bitch’s fake smile.

I swear to god if they didn’t have free wifi, I’d already have single-handedly raised the threat level.

*33

*17

T&T&A by Tony Stamolis

Tacos and tits and ass. A coffee table book featuring topless tattooed women and cheap-ass Mexican food.

Against my better judgment, this is going on my christmas list.

*42

*31

I should keep a tin of these in my purse.

*30

*8

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Brenn Di Ega Kjerke (Burn Your Own Church), Black Strobe

At a minute thirty, just start breakin’ shit.

*37

Come on, Friday. Bring it.

*30

Walmart bans gay couple for NOT shoplifting?!

This article infuriated me.

As if I needed one more reason never to step foot in another one of those hell holes. I hope they all burn down, starting with the one in Niles, Michican.

*13

“On bad sex… took your advice. Best night we had, for me at least. Made it all about me. He didn’t orgasm, and I didn’t care. He was thrilled by my change of attitude towards it all as well. Nice work Coke Talk, you did me well.”